I believe that most Gay Brothas grow up in an environment that nurtures the idea of finding Mr. Right; however it is directed at women. Unfortunately, many woman have never really found Mr. Right, they usually find Mr. Wrong. As Gay Men of Color, we have not had our nurturing of finding Mr. Right, however, for our nurturing, we need a different model, a man that doesn’t have be that ideal. We are what I have termed, “A Grand Prize” and should be won by that winner, you know, the one who has never won anything in his life, a man that is alright with the world. When you begin to know that you are a Grand Prize who deserves a Grand Prize winner, your value and self-worth will become the wealth of knowledge for finding “Mr. Alright Man” in your life!

Too often, Gay Men of Color measure their relationship based on a heterosexual model; single men and women who live together or are married. Even though the divorce rate has been in the lower sixties lately and has been working its way back down, heterosexual marriage is still at a high risk and still, Gay Men of Color are building their relationships after a ”straight couple” model. Some married and heterosexual couples do have successful long term relationships; however they have a structure which had been systematically built within and by a heterosexual accepted society. Although there are a number of Gay Men of Color who have had long term relationships many more have not been as successful for a number of reasons.

Besides being born physically different, men and women think differently, and also, men have to “learn” women and women have to “learn” men in order to get along and stay together, and that can be very challenging. Now if that is the case, shouldn’t men automatically know men, wouldn’t men naturally get along and therefore can live “happily ever after.” Stop, what’s wrong with this picture? Well, it seems logical; however, it’s not the reality. Men know men and that’s why many of us are struggling with each other.

Men do typically think alike, so for the most part, they can’t be fooled into thinking “like a woman,” unless they want to be. Men have been taught to be strong and to not cry or act like “a little girl,” On the otherhand, we have been trained to throw the first punch (especially when they talk about your mama), to communicate with our bodies through sports and slow dancing (but not like a girl, males are to only lead and control the girl), and to make sure you lay down “your pipe” right! As little boys turning into young men turning into adult men, we were consciously or subconsciously taught by our fathers or a father figure to dominate women, control women, and not listen to women (i.e. as a man, you don’t listen to her if she wants to give you directions, right?). Does this sound like there’s some brainwashing going on? Hah hah!

The male dating orientation “taught” by our fathers and father figure was about heterosexual boys, not gay sons, so why are we wasting time trying to treat men like women? Whether you consider yourself a masculine or effeminate male, each of us tends to dominate, control and not listen to each other, we are constantly challenging or measuring our manhood against one another. Enough about brainwashing! Now do you get the picture, heterosexuals are not the role models that Gay Men of Color need to follow if we want to know how to date a man.

As I began to talk to and date Gay Men of Color, from Gay Brothas of my African-American community to my Gay Brothas who are Asians, and Hispanic, to my Gay brothas from the African and Middle Eastern cultures, to those brothas who are known as Pacific Islanders, I have come to realize that they all had one thing in common when it comes to dating, most of them have had very little experience in dating men and more experience in having sex with them.

As Gay Men of Color, we need to have more experience in dating and learn how to be better at dating men. Dating teaches you a lot about yourself and the men that you want to know. Grand Prize, Lookin’ for a Winner is a dating/relationship guide exclusively designed for you in mind, Gay Men of Color. Sit back, relax and explore you!

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